Final exams are over, we're still in lockdown and I'm having an anxious day

This poem offers a glimpse of what a mild bout of anxiety would feel like for me earlier this year. I often take to writing to understand my thoughts. I want to share this piece because I think it captures well the way my mind would work in those times: the hyper-awareness

of my surroundings, combined with a feeling of detachment from them, the blank mind struggling to ground itself and fixating on details. These things were all part of how I would experience such moments.

Looking back, I’m actually quite proud of how I handled this particular instance. By then I had a better understanding of how moments like these played out for me, and I knew myself well enough to know that it would pass through me if I let it... so I didn’t fear it,

and I let it pass. I think knowing yourself and what is healthiest for you is really important. 

This poem offers a glimpse of a turning point

in my experience with anxiety this year.

Take care, reader. <3

My shaky steps  

Through the sunlit kitchen  

Tell me this isn’t exactly one of the good mornings.  

Easy does it.

The world  

Moves slowly  

All around me. 

… 

It’s warm enough for shorts now.  

Oh.  

Looks like I left a receipt in the pocket.  

"Dawson College Bookstore.”  

…  

Huh. 

"3040 Sherbrooke St. W."  

I miss cegep. Again. 

"Mayfair 2-ply white"  

"1.99"  

This must have been a while ago. 

For drawing class, 

Around this time last year. 

"Subtotal 1.99"  

… 

I haven’t stepped inside a store in over a month.  

"T1 Sales Tax (05.000%) 0.10"  

"T2 Sales Tax (09.975%) 0.20"  

"TOTAL 2.29"  

Should I throw it out? 

"CASH 10.00" 

"*Rounding 0.01-"  

"CASH CHANGE 7.70" 

… 

"Thank you for shopping with us! All sales are final."  

...  

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